You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
