I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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