Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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