Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
