I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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