Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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