How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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