every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
