Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
