Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
