i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
