my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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