I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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