So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
