I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
