We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
