he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
