A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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