i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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