I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
