Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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