Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
