so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
