I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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