OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
