this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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