i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
