Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
