And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
