WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
