I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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