Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i drank out of a bidet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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