Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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