watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
