So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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