things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
