genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
