i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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