It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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