I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
