It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
