Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
