It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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