Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
