great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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