apparently the secret to your success is patron
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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