I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
