She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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