I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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