Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
