Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
